The Top 10 Hate List

November 28, 2010 at 6:12 AM | Posted in Rants | 6 Comments

I have to take a departure from the normal theme of my posts to vent and rage about some shit that’s really been bothering me.  I need to put a few disclaimers here at the top.

Disclaimer 1:  This post contains a ton of swearing, adult language and adult references.  So man up or leave.

Disclaimer 2:  There is a lot of negativity because THIS IS A TOP 10 HATE LIST.  So shut your fucking mouth in advance if you want to keep living in your denial-driven, perfect happy little world where you ignore problems.  And cut off your testicles, too, asswipe.

Disclaimer 3:  This is an OPINION post, and there’s a decent chance you won’t agree with a lot of the shit I say.  I won’t be debating anything.  Fair warning.  Flame wars are a waste of your time (or maybe they aren’t if your time is that worthless, but I won’t be wasting any of my time).

This is the list.  It is in order with 1 being the thing I currently hate the most and 10 being the thing that I hate just enough to make it onto this list.  A short explanation follows each one.

10.  Large, unnecessary trucks

You know what I’m talking about.  You see those shiny, brand new F-350’s with their 4-wheel rear axles, extended cabs, lined beds (you know, to keep them from looking used) and hemi engines.  And it gets better.  People stupid enough to fork out for these monstrosities usually add all kinds of after-market upgrades, like enormous wheels, truck balls, offensive bumper stickers and whatever other unnecessary waste of money you can think of.  I can sum this up in a few sentences.  The first is a ratio:

(Number of people who actually use these trucks for their intended purpose – i.e., work)/(Number of people who buy these trucks) < 0.10.

Secondly, you know that most of the people who own these vehicles are compensating for something else.  Sometimes in a major, major way.  That warm, fuzzy feeling by itself relegates this pet peeve to the bottom of the list.  And you can also rest assured that those people decided, when they bought their enormous, unnecessary vehicle, that they considered displays of social status to be more important than financial independence.

So, in conclusion, while absurdly large vehicles that never see use beyond urbanite commuting really piss me off, I know that those people have already lost at life in so many ways that it quells the axe murder rage inside me.

9.  Deplorable grammar and spelling of nearly everyone

Texting, Facebook and a severe lack of grammar classes in primary school have combined to form the perfect storm in which most of the American form of the English language has been lost.  I recently took the GRE which, for those of you unfamiliar with education, stands for Graduate Readiness Exam.  It supposedly measures your skills in mathematics, analytical writing and “verbal,” or vocabulary and reading.  I scored in the 98th percentile for verbal.  I don’t want your congratulations or admiration – I want your shock and disgust.  I AM A FUCKING ENGINEER.

At any rate, the blame for this problem rests with everyone.  It rests a lot with the primary schools for completely failing to educate children on the correct use of words and the formulation of coherent, intelligent sentences.  I had a few grammar classes, but no one ever actually taught us anything.  It was basically learning by trial and error and teacher feedback.  I learned to write by reading.  Then, later, I got better at it by practicing.  I know, some next-level shit right there, eh?  (Look at that formation of a compound adjective using a hyphen.)  Tucker Max, world-renowned professional douchebag and writer, has better grammar, spelling and vocabulary than most of the students I’ve seen who managed to eak out a college degree.

Facebook and texting have made everyone into idiots.  And perhaps Twitter and all of those other social networking sites as well.  I’ll admit, I’m not on my best behavior when posting on Facebook, but I use punctuation and correct capitalization.  So this part of the issue is in using each other as excuses to forget how to read and write and your own apathy towards shit that matters.  Go kill yourself.

8. Needless trimming and cutting down of trees

Maybe it’s just because I lived in Omaha and, in particular, lived with my father for most of my youth, but this kind of shit pisses me off to no end.  Omaha and my dad take the cake for the needless, senseless trimming and removing of mature trees.

The City of Omaha uses nepotism (see rant below) to fill a bunch of unnecessary “maintenance” division jobs each summer.  These are kids in school who want some source of income but don’t want to suck dick like the rest of us at a grocery store job or some other dehumanizing experience that makes us stronger as children.  The City runs out of work and sends their crews and equipment on asinine “tree raids,” where crews arbitrarily mark off older trees on the streets that have some kind of “defect.”  I have seen broken limbs with diameters under 2 inches claimed as “hazards” that merit the entire tree be cut down.  I have seen normal, natural holes and knots in tree trunks earn the proverbial spray-paint ‘X’ mark.  I have even seen, disturbingly often, perfectly healthy trees with no visible defects whatsoever be cut down.

And what the city can’t cut down, my father can.  My father is an outstanding example of a paranoid homeowner with an itch to run a chainsaw and rent a lift.  The two large, mature silver maple trees I grew up with were progressively destroyed.  Every other year, my father would rent a lift and spend a few days locked in epic battle with gas-powered chainsaws in the garage.  He told me the trees needed to be trimmed.  His main rationale is that the trees might, at any time, fall on the house.  He told me that the copious amounts of house insurance he pays do not cover this sort of catastrophe.  Over time, every branch within reach of the lift had been cut off the tree.  Wounds left in the tree trunk started rotting, left exposed to the elements and insects.  The trunk began rotting away and the health of the tree declined at an ever-increasing rate.  Currently, my father is planning another pointless chainsawing appointment with the two trees.

I can’t put all of the blame on my father.  I’ve seen a lot of homeowners with the insatiable need to feel manly run down their perfectly healthy, property-value-increasing, mature shade trees with a chainsaw.  The reason it pisses me off so much is because trees do nothing but good.  Especially mature shade trees in residential neighborhoods.  Here’s a quick list of the shit that mature shade trees do well:

  • Increase property value
  • Increase shade, decreasing cooling costs
  • Decrease runoff from storms, which in turn increases the water quality and health of nearby streams and the overall health of the watershed, hydrologically speaking
  • Maintains or improves soil health
  • Provide wildlife shelter
  • Provide visual appeal to any property
  • Decrease heat island effect of cities
  • Provide carbon sinks

In fact, mature shade trees are so desirable that LEED has specified their use in a great number of their site development criteria.  And every fucking time I see some asshole out there cutting down a tree for the fucking giggles, it pisses me off because it takes YEARS to grow trees.  Do people not understand that they are undoing decades of growth?

7.  Uninformed political opinions

How many people do you know who supported Obama before the election and then jumped on the criticism bandwagon less than a year after he took office?  Yea, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Or, how about this situation: you log into your e-mail service and you find a family member has loaded you down with several pages of FWD: Nancy Pelosi caught fucking kindergarten boys while husband films!!  Do you think these people who send around these forwarded, inane e-mails ever bother to check the veracity of the contents?  Of course not.  Sometimes, people don’t even want to.  But what really bothers me is that SO many people are idiotic enough to be fooled by people with an agenda.  People watch Fox or CNN and think the news they are getting is truthful.  HA!  My hairy, white, radiant ass!

I don’t even engage people in political discussion anymore.  People forgot how to intelligently debate several decades ago, and no one can present informed opinions about anything.  My brother informed me that he hated “Obamacare.”  I asked him why.  He told me because it was bologna.  I asked, “Why is it ‘bologna?’  What in particular about the plan raises your ire?”  He had no specifics.  He had nothing to give me, except that “They had to pass it in order to read it because it was 1,000 pages!  And they made it 1,000 pages so that no one could read it!”  Yea, right.  And we wonder how crooked politicians get elected.  People have neglected their duty to be informed voters, on the rare occasion that a citizen exercises his or her right to vote at all.

So, fuck you and your idiotic, uninformed political opinions.  As long as you keep doing what you’re doing, Congress will keep doing what they do because NO ONE CARES.  People say that, historically, revolutions have been sparked as a function of the difference in income between the rich and the poor, and they point to the fact that we are way overdue for a revolution.  But a revolution won’t happen because no one gives a shit enough about politics to even have an intelligent opinion.  So shut the fuck up.

6.  People who live in denial

I didn’t want to get too philosophical with this rant, lest you not understand it.  And besides, we all have our own opinions about society and how people live and behave, and even I can admit that they vary far too much for one person to be right or wrong.  But one thing in particular does bother me a lot, and I think it covers a lot of the things I hate about other people: denial.

And I’m not talking about that temporary denial that occurs as the first step of grief.  I’m talking about the countless herds of people whose lives have become so shitty and pointless (due to their own shitty pointlessness and weak mind I might add) that all they can do to go on every day is huddle in a corner of their own pathetic denial.  Examples of this include women with abusive boyfriends, people who think “the man” is keeping him or her down, people who are depressed, my ex-girlfriend and her slimeball of a pseudo-lover (you know, filling the holes in their souls with meaningless sex), and people who just can’t WAIT to call “Debby Downer” on someone who brings up real issues.

But here again I can convince myself to wrest the axe murder rage within by noting that these people are empty and hollow shells of existence.  There’s a reason I don’t avoid pain – even embrace it.  Because through pain we learn.  And through error and failure we learn.  We gain nothing by ignoring the elephant in the room, or by making excuses or procrastinating.  We gain nothing by living only within the ever-shrinking confines of our comfort bubbles.  Nearly all of us can point to degenerate parents or friends whose lives have become shining examples of denial-ridden, worthless existence.  If you really want to avoid that fate, all you have to do is stop ignoring your problems.  And it’s not that hard.

5.  Almost all new video games

Maybe I’m getting older, but what happened to games like Unreal, StarCraft, Tribes and Half-Life?  Sure, they’re old games, but gamer culture has traded storyline and team play for MMORPGs that waste weeks or even months of life at a time with no point.

  • StarCraft: A ground-breaking real-time strategy game with a truly epic storyline.  If Hollywood wanted to make a series of movies that was actually amazing, StarCraft would be the story to glorify on film.  Of course, Hollywood would probably overdo the character development and put in too many cheesy, predictable lines for it to be good.  So nevermind that idea.
  • Unreal: Another absolutely epic storyline.  Unreal was also a ground-breaking game in terms of graphics and gameplay for a number of reasons I won’t go into.  Unreal also had atmosphere, and the developers were better at creating atmosphere than any other game to date.
  • Tribes: The most innovative team-play game in history.  The game was built around team dynamics and actually did online play right.  There was a little bit of single player, but it was mostly training.  The entire game was built on the idea that you and your friends could communicate and work together efficiently.  They didn’t rely on flashy graphics, 20-minute cut scenes or shitty dialogue to produce an epic work – they made the game worth playing.
  • Half-Life: If there were some kind of continuation of all the greatness that was Unreal, it was Half-Life.  Half-Life had a really creative storyline and a great atmosphere.  It also didn’t boast graphics forged in the fires of Mount Doom itself, it was bad ass enough on its own.

And what of new games?  New games are just money-grubbing schemes built on their successors that the sheep of Gaming World eat right up.  How many Tomb Raider games are there?  How many Call of Duty games are there?  And more to the point, why is it even enjoyable to play them?  The idea went stale after the first one or two installments.  You can play CoD or WoW for years on end and not really make any progress.  I guess that’s the miracle of it.  That, and the fact that most of you assholes are too stupid to wake up and demand something better from developers.  Oh well, I guess I’m better off without video games anyway.

4.  DC Comics Movies (and most of the mass-produced bullshit Hollywood churns out)

Every time I see a preview for a DC Comics movie, it takes all the discipline I have to stop myself from walking out of the theater.  I think once upon a time when I was a wee lad, they made Batman into a movie.  Then, when Hollywood ran out of fresh ideas, they decided to make a new version of Batman.  And another, newer version after that.  Then they made Fantastic 4, X-Men, Superman and a host of other DC Comics.  They got so desperate that they started hitting old video games, and now we can expect Tron to premier within a year.  Puke.

I think I hit the wall around Iron Man 2, with the disgustingly overdone character development and the predictable lines.  Specifically, it was where the woman in red was doing that bullshit in the hallway where she effortlessly disabled several dozen guards.  Or maybe that was a different movie, the shitty ones tend to run together for me.

I could spend a thousand years elaborating on each and every little facet of why I hate these movies, but I’ll just hit the big ones.  First off, ORIGINALITY.  I know it’s not totally gone because Gran Torino and Slumdog Millionaire came out recently.  THAT is how movies are made.  You know something is up when you have to take a story that’s already been written and try to put it on film.  And even then, it wasn’t bad until it got to be several a year, or several dozen, or however many it is anymore.

And what really pisses me off is this (and maybe this is overstepping my boundaries as a fairly uncultured person): DC Comics were precisely that: comics.  They were greatest in their original form – framed comics preserved forever in comic books.  That’s how they were meant to be.  When you take them from that form and put them onto film, it must be done carefully and with respect for the original material.  Tron was an 8-bit (call me out if I’m wrong on that, I’m not sure) video game.  It didn’t have enough story to fill a 2.5-hour movie.  That means you’re getting 10% adulterated, modified classic video game and 90% Hollywood HFCS, bullshit filler.  Why would anyone go to see that?  But I guarantee someone you know will.

3. Rap and hip-hop music

The hate machine is really starting to turn.  I recently moved to Kansas and I’m around a lot of the “Johnson County” folk.  They are mainly rich white kids from suburbs and they think Eminem is really cool.  And all that other bullshit.  And let me just say that I have legitimately TRIED to appreciate it for what it is.  But there are no redeeming characteristics whatsoever about rap.

The same goes for hip-hop, but I actually hate it even more.  I was watching my 9 – 13 year old nieces and female cousins dance provocatively to P-Diddy.  I was thoroughly alarmed and disgusted at the same time.  See, because children are regrettably so impressionable (and even the dumbass 18-year old kids I’m around from Johnson County all the time), they think it’s cool to “brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack” and shit.  Rap and hip-hop glorify this kind of bullshit lifestyle that not even the singers live in reality.  Those who do end up dying (like Tupac).

And while I’m on that note, the message in rap and hip-hop is worthless.  Most of the time it’s just stupid, but sometimes it’s even damaging to people who admire the artists.  Take “I’m in Miami, Bitch” as an example.  I know you’re going to think I’m ridiculous for this, but I don’t really give a shit.  Young kids who hear that song are going to think that you should “drink all day” and “play all night” when in Miami.  I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t, but I am saying that when you’re 10, you ought to be outside riding your fucking bike or getting burned by a cigarette lighter in a fucking car.  You shouldn’t be in Miami, bitch.

And, finally, why do people even think it’s fun to listen to?  If nothing else, you could potentially claim that rap or hip-hop has a good sound.  But it fucking doesn’t.  It just doesn’t.  There’s nothing redeeming about this genre of music whatsoever.  In fact, I don’t even have neutral feelings about the way it sounds.  I have rage feelings.  I hate the sound so much that it makes me want to punch bears.

2.  Nepotism

Nepotism is my second most-hated thing ever.  It would be the first if I didn’t hate TV so much.  For the vast majority of you who are too stupid to know what that word means and, worse, too lazy to look it up, let me define it here:

nepotism: favoritism shown to relatives or close friends by those in power (as by giving them jobs)

Nepotism is the source of so much evil in the world it isn’t even worth laughing about.  Nepotism gets incompetent people jobs.  It puts capable people out of work, especially in times like these.  Let me give you an example.

Frank applied to the [company name redacted] for several positions one summer.  One required specialized knowledge of hydrology.  The other required some rudimentary knowledge of dams and soil properties.  Both require some familiarity with civil engineering and the practice itself.  These are not simply “grocery store jobs” that could be filled by any schmuck.  Frank interviews.  Admittedly, Frank doesn’t nail the interview.  But who gets the job?  A kid who just graduated high school who is planning to go to school in INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.  Not only is this kid less qualified than me in terms of what is relevant to the job, younger than me and less experienced in almost every way, he’s NOT EVEN IN THE RIGHT MAJOR.  You can guess why he got the job – his father works there.

I’ve been turned down for a lot of positions I’ve been highly qualified for in favor of less qualified relatives.  I bet you’ve been there, too.  In fact, most of you have jobs because someone you knew had a contact and got you in.  I even did that once, a long time ago, out of desperation.  Plus, it was offered to me, I didn’t ask.  At any rate, nepotism can go fuck itself.  Unfortunately, there’s not much that can be done to stop it since there’s virtually no way to fight it legally.  Nepotism is the means by which incompetence is born and perpetuated.  Seeing so many incapable people in great jobs that I wanted fuels my rage daily.  And for those of you wondering, I can proudly and honestly say that I earned my first real job without the corrupt help of nepotism.

1. Television

This is it.  The number one pet peeve.  The thing that fuels such rage and fire within me as to melt the devil himself.  I have everything about TV, and I mean everything.  This kind of hate deserves a list.

  • Programming: Let’s hit the most disgusting of them: CSI, V, Two-and-a-Half Men, Grey’s Anatomy, Californication, and EVERYTHING aired by MTV, E! or Discovery.  That’s right, Discovery.  The Discovery channel sold its soul to HORRIBLE TRASH reality TV shows like Deadliest Catch, Swamp Loggers and the Orange County Choppers.  To those of you in denial (see rant above), THEY ARE ALL FUCKING SCRIPTED.  You FUCKING morons.  And even if they weren’t scripted, THEY FUCKING SUCK.  Get a FUCKING life.  And almost every drama, comedy or what-have-you is absolute garbage as well.  Take Two-and-a-Half Men.  That kid gets paid disgusting acting compensation.  Charlie Sheen plays some kind of douchebag womanizer who, in real life, would have had his nuts chopped off with a bolt cutter by now.  And a chiropractor who can’t afford a house of his own?  Yea right.
  • Commercials:  If I ever do anything worthy of the national news, it will be because of rage fueled solely by television commercials.  Commercials have gotten even worse than movies.  They are melodramatic, predictable, mass-produced and ANNOYING AS SHIT.  And not only that, but you see the SAME fucking commercials OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER.  And what’s with people not muting?  Who the fuck WANTS to listen to commercials?  The pure hatred burns in my very retinas when I WATCH that shit, I don’t need two senses to split skulls.  Your religion knows nothing of the depths of my hatred for commercials.  Watch this:
  1. Cell phone commercials: upbeat, indie melody music in background.  Computer-rendered graphics.  Some kind of presentation of applications or abilities of phone.
  2. Car commercials: Pacific Northwest auto tour highways, peel out turn and FINANCING AVAILABLE FROM AS LITTLE AS $350 PER MONTH WITH SIGN-AND-DRIVE SAVINGS WITH A SIDE OF FUCK-YOU-IN-THE-ASS CREDIT!
  3. Shitty TV Show previews:  “They said they come in peace.  They lied.”  Meaningless cuts of melodramatic, run-of-the-mill scenes.  Series like “V” and “Super Family” make me want to vomit.  The commercials make me want to vomit and forge a viking axe blade and use it to cleave the bones of whoever decided they should air on public TV.
  4. Shitty domestic brew beer commercials: Cut scene of guy who sucks at life.  Cut scene of same guy with gorgeous women and all kinds of friends, perhaps a tailgate or even a worship session.  SucksAtLife is holding a beer.
  5. Insurance commercials: Fucking geckos, guys pretending to be inanimate objects and some douchehole in a suit answering his own question with another of his own questions and then a “witty” cut scene.  You know what I’m talking about.
  • The noise: I grew up with my father, as I may have mentioned several million times before.  My father has the not-so-peculiar habit of coming home and immediately turning on the TV.  From that time until the time he leaves for work the next morning, the TV is on.  Shitty commercials and shitty shows polluted my eardrums for 18 miserable years.  The sound was inescapable.  The continuous drone of advertising voices and actors made me metaphorically claw at the boundaries of anything you could consider sanity.  Every time I woke up in the middle of the night, the sounds were there with me.  They were a constant companion.  I know what it feels like to be in a legitimate insane asylum, unable to control your reactions to seemingly harmless things.
  • Degradation of culture:  Like it or not, people are influenced by others and by what they see on TV.  The impressionable Johnson County crop I mentioned earlier has fallen victim to the pointlessness of shows like Teen Mom, Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Jersey Shore.  But TV has done far more to invade our lives than just putting shitty reality shows on the air.  People now have a TV in their kitchens, in their dining rooms and in their bedrooms as well.  Many families have  a TV in every room of the house.  I’ll use a TV reference to get the point across, since that’s how so much learning is done today.  Fry of Futurama said it best when he said “Human families need a TV to watch during dinner so they don’t have to talk to each other.”  How many couples sit endlessly in front of the TV watching pointless shows and failing to interact with one another?  Why do people not know how to talk and eat at the same time anymore?  Perhaps this is where our lack of social skills and our desire to avoid life’s problems comes from.  If we just drown ourselves in TV, what’s the real world matter?  My father just finished remodeling his kitchen and it just looks fantastic.  It’s possibly the best thing to happen to his house ever.  And what’s he going to do?  Put a TV in.  He’s even got a TV in the bathroom.  And he’s not the only one.  My roommates constantly watch the TV, or play games on it.  If one of them isn’t on it, the other is.  Sometimes they are using different TVs.  And let’s not forget how much power TVs soak up.  And on TV commercials you can see ads that promote the idea of having a TV in every room of the house, so “you don’t miss a second when you want to change rooms!”  Soon, I fear people will have small TV sets implanted in their retinas.  What happened to reading, learning, sports and enjoying the outdoors?  TV has truly destroyed culture and all that is intelligence or reason.

My hatred for TV goes so much further.  The intensity with which most of you drones claim to feel love is a mere shadow of the depths to which my hatred for TV extends.  God himself, as you fancy him, would bow to the undeniable fires of my soul fueled by rage against the TV, were he real.  I have not even begun to do justice to how much I despise TV, but I can only put so much into words.

There you have it, folks.  The top ten hate list for Frank.  The top ten things that I hate so much, I decided to devote several hours to a blog post for it.  I have topped 4500 words, so I’ll call it a day.  Thanks all.

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6 Comments »

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  1. Frank,
    Bravo, your 4500 hundred words, some of which I completely disagree with, but most of which is right on, was just what I needed this morning as I was contemplating shutting my TV off again. I turned it on after years of not having one ( as if i was coming out of the desert) and recently calculated how much of my week and year it is sucked up taking time away from, reading, exercising, socializing, business, relationship building etc, not to mention all the food consumption that takes place while I watch another fucking rerun movie. It’s uacceptabke even despite all my truly reasonable rationales for having that TV. As litlle as I watch it in relation to others things I do, it is still a time consuming, money and energy sucking, food consuming (nutrient rich of course), energy draining, literacy killing, (in some cases) (albeit entertaining) box of BS. If I want to watch a movie or a game, I’m going to a theater or a friends house, I just want to do too many other things in my life to get caught up in this addictive hookup, that I also pay for! Jesus h!…

    The only saving grace for TV is that contrary to your rant, it’s not all trash. There are some pretty good shows on TV. There are just so many of those shows that they can still consume the important time of life when we could be relating, reading, making love, exercising, socializing etc. Part of me wants to keep my tv… So kindly support me and tell me the shut the fucking thing off.

    You know what pisses me off besides denial and TV…? The fact that a large percentage of people’s jobs today are some role or function supporting some valueless product or service otherwise known as an addiction. TV is an addiction, but not valueless, but pepsi and doritos are!

    Imagine waking up each day knowing you are a marketing director for Doritos!!!! Your job is to seduce people and fill them with shit, that also pollutes are world. What a wasted life, maybe not outside the job, but certainly in the realm of vocation…
    I could go on at least 4500 words about that alone, but since I’m on my iPhone I’ll refrain for now.

    Oh yeah, who needs a TV when you have a fucking time consuming Iphone. It’s a handheld flat screen TV with even more functionality. We’re consumed by this shit!

    Man on man, thanks for some wake up calls this morning from a fellow Performance Lifestyle publisher.

    ~ JAM

    Sent from my iPhone

    • JAM,
      Always happy to help! You make a great point on the jobs topic. I never thought of it that way – I guess I always strived to be something better. At first, I wondered how people in those kinds of positions can justify their salary, but then I remembered: denial. Maybe I’m wrong, who knows. I’d rather be an honest laborer and have my work mean something than be an executive whose work is detrimental to the community. Great comment! I really appreciate the feedback!

  2. That was fun to read.

  3. Tron was a Disney movie back in the 80’s. You can google this stuff if you’re not sure.

    • That doesn’t mean they’re not making an unnecessary remake of it right now.

  4. This was a fun read. And I do agree with almost every word. Are we twin siblings separated at birth?


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