Americans are Overly Feminized

April 21, 2015 at 4:17 PM | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Yep, I said it. Feminism has been one of the most fascinating social movements to watch unfold. Admittedly, it began probably before I was old enough to know what was going on, but it seems to have come in waves as I have gotten older. It is interesting to me because it is a topic on which everyone is divided. Even different women have differing opinions on what feminism means and how it affects us. Geographically, the interpretation and implementation of feminist ideas varies wildly. And a lot of people think that feminism only affects women, but it has the potential to impact men in a huge way. In that way, I believe it is different from social movements that came before which seem, at least now, to have had a much clearer, more defined purpose (e.g., emancipation of slaves, women’s suffrage, all that stuff).

Another way in which feminism as a social movement differs from others is that it has had, I think, a variety of unintentional (or at least unanticipated) effects. In this blog post, I hope to offer my thoughts on the topic and share my view of the world as it has been affected by the feminist movement. The Pacific Northwest is one of the best places in the country, I think, to observe the fallout of the social upheaval that feminism has left in its wake. I certainly see that it has deeply affected both men and women here in this part of the world and in ways that I don’t think anyone could have imagined in the beginning.

I’d also like to begin with a disclaimer, saying that I am not suggesting anything here is right or wrong. I do have my personal opinions, but what I hope to offer is a very real view of the dating world from the trenches post-feminism.

My interpretation of what feminism was meant to be is a clearly defined social movement with the intent to empower women in a variety of ways, with a focus on equality. In the beginning, the intent was to advocate for women as equal human beings with the ability to hold a job, earn a competitive wage (as compared to men), and do all of the things that men could do socially like hold a political office, hold a technical job, sleep around without being judged, raise children alone, go out with friends without the boyfriend/husband present, be single, the list goes on and varies with each “wave” of feminism that has hit.

For the most part, I’d say that those objectives of equality in rights were achieved by the movement. There is still a lot of (what I believe to be misplaced) contention over certain aspects of the movement. For example, in some professions which were traditionally dominated by men (such as engineering, or law), women still command lower salaries (in some parts of the country). But there are more variables to be considered. Consider that a young woman, from about age 16 to age 30, can make a salary equivalent to or greater than most men who start out in a technical profession, such as engineering, by working in the service industry. Exotic dancers, event hosts, waitresses, bartenders, and those types of entertainment-based professions are exceptionally lucrative for young women. A man in that same profession would not make the living that a woman would, all other variables equal.

The point of this anecdote is merely to point out that from the beginning, the idea of what “equality” meant to activists was flawed. Gender is a trait in which there can never be a literal equality. Ever. Because genders are DIFFERENT. What society values in men and what society values in women are entirely different things – as strongly evidenced by the fact that an attractive young woman working as a bartender can take home more in annual earnings than a male aeronautical engineer starting out at Boeing. Another sobering example of this is women that sleep around excessively. Empowered by the ideals of feminism, a lot of young women believe they are entitled to ride as many cocks on the cock circus as they possibly can – and they are. But no amount of social conditioning will convince a self-respecting male that she is a good marriage potential. It wasn’t a good idea to marry a girl who sleeps around before feminism happened, and it isn’t a good idea now.

So with all of that in mind, I’ll dive in to some details.

Feminism is not equality. The very word itself implies that it is not.

Feminism puts women on a pedestal. At the same time, it has devalued men to women and eroded the self-confidence and self-worth of men on a widespread scale.

Like many boys, I started my relations with girls in my teenage years – in high school. I was going on “dates” and getting together with girls I liked, exploring the way children do with one another. I remember my parents occasionally asked me about the girls I liked over the years. I will never forget when I made a remark such as “Well she isn’t very pretty,” or “She’s kind of big.” My parents gently responded with, “It isn’t what’s on the outside that matters.” Of course, they were just trying to be good parents and foster good values in their child. They didn’t think about what repercussions that might have.

On a massive scale, feminism has led to male social conditioning like this. Boys are (perhaps unintentionally) taught from a  young age that it is not okay to judge a prospective partner’s dating value, in any way, on her looks. Until I got older, I thought that perhaps this was just my experience. But now that I’ve had time to observe and, particularly, have moved to the Pacific Northwest, I know it wasn’t unique to me. Young men everywhere, starting at what appears to roughly be my age/generation, were conditioned to feel ashamed to reject a fat girl because, well, she’s fat. Or a homely girl for being homely. What a shallow thing to do, they would say.

At the same time, social conditioning began to tell young women that it was okay for them to blow up to the size of a house and not ever wear makeup or practice putting on lipstick, eyeliner, etc. They taught young girls that a good man worthy of dating would judge them by their character instead of their physical beauty. They taught them that an unattractive woman could have every reasonable expectation to date a tall guy with all of his shit perfectly in order, even though she wasn’t bringing much of anything to the table. It created an attitude of entitlement in young women that worsened with age, much akin to the attitude of the spoiled rich trust fund kid.

This type of double-ended (laugh) social conditioning fucked both sides of the gender spectrum in what were then unimaginable ways. Take the Pacific Northwest, for example, which has been heavily influenced by the feminist movement. The “average” couple here is a decent-looking guy in his early thirties, with a decent to good job, paired with a mid- to late-twenties girl, at least fifty pounds overweight, an up-do (or a masculine haircut), and not a speck of makeup to be seen.

But it goes beyond the physical, in terms of what it has done to the dating scene. Polyamory is pretty common in the Northwest. For those of you who don’t know, polyamory is a form of mutual non-monogamy and, although it takes many forms, the most common is when one or both partners in a relationship have a separate relationship with another person. For example, a man could be dating a woman with two boyfriends. The arrangement extends to marriages. In the Northwest, polyamory heavily favors women. It is not uncommon for a woman to have two or more regular male partners that know about one another. The arrangement is usually somewhat like blackmail or a threat in which a male partner is afraid to speak up against the arrangement because either a) social conditioning has taught him that it is not okay to oppose her desires or b) he fears he would lose this relationship if he did not agree to the arrangement. Most of the time, men fake agreement/enthusiasm to avoid conflict. By contrast, it is exceptionally uncommon to see a man with a similar arrangement, dating more than one woman. Relationships like these are either highly unstable and end in a financially shattering divorce for the man or are with two (or more) very unattractive women.

This is only one area of the country, however. I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t look to other parts of the country for more evidence. And so I shall. Let’s zoom over to a part of the country that is entirely different, socially, from the progressive Northwest. You can pick your poison, but let’s say Texas, Illinois, Ohio, or Pennsylvania. These states are especially known for being more traditional and conservative. Here, traditional gender roles have more or less survived the feminist movement thus far. This isn’t to say that no social progress has been realized in these areas, but the dating scene remains relatively unchanged.

The indicator variables I discussed above are more or less reversed in these areas. In the “red” states, it is far more common for men to be able to find physically attractive mates who are less demanding in relationships and more respectful of monogamy, sexually or otherwise. Women in these parts of the country tend to keep feminine haircuts, maintain their looks much better (especially as they age), maintain a healthy weight, and take a more submissive role to men socially and in relationships. In Texas, an old, balding fat guy can wrangle in a threeway with a couple of young, cute girls just by being charming and having a few spare bucks. The values that men and women put on one another in these more traditional parts of the country are more in line with what previous generations experienced.

Male sexuality has been demonized.

This is a specific but extremely destructive aspect of the social conditioning that takes place as feminist ideals become more accepted in a community. In this case, I could go on at length, but someone else has written an exceptional piece about this particular topic and I am simply going to incorporate by reference.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-danger-in-demonizing-male-sexuality/

I will add a few things to this that build on what I spoke about earlier. Male sexuality has been demonized, but not just strictly in terms of sexual interactions. I pointed out earlier that young men are socially conditioned, from a variety of angles, that it is not okay to reject women as partners if they are not attractive to them. For example, the majority of men do not find overweight women to be attractive. That has always been true. The majority of men do not find masculine haircuts on women to be attractive. I have said this a thousand times in my personal life, but no amount of social conditioning will change what men and women find attractive.

Social conditioning has changed how men outwardly act, however. Especially in the Northwest, men are prone to settling on a woman who is not attractive to them for any number of reasons – women are scarce, women are rarely available, and attractive women are about 1 percent of the total. But all of these things do not play as much of a role as the social conditioning that young men receive early on saying that they should be ashamed for judging a woman by her outward appearance. It essentially leads to throngs of beta men who are afraid to stand up to women and afraid to ask for what they really want.

This doesn’t just hurt men though. It actually hurts women, too. I can’t count the number of young women I’ve met in the PNW who are starving for a man with self-esteem and self-respect. It manifests itself in unhealthy ways as more and more women turn to domination, especially of the sexual type, to experience what they consider to be that domineering male role in any way they can. Sometimes I feel utterly hopeless when I realize that all we have done, for some women, is exchange rape culture for rape fantasies. Even I don’t know how to interpret that and it leaves me feeling gross.

At the same time, the same type of social conditioning that teaches young men to settle for unattractive women (because it’s apparently wrong to do otherwise) teaches women that it is not okay for them to “submit” to a man. To be seen publicly obeying a man’s will is somewhat like the scarlet letter in the Northwest because of the feminist culture. For women, it’s cool to show off your trained, attractive man to your friends. This leads to a lot of internal conflict in young women. On the one hand, they want this thing that is socially unacceptable. On the other hand, they want to be accepted by society because acceptance, to a young woman, is the only thing that matters. It leads to them essentially being undateable, even by a man with the best intentions. A great example is a woman who demands that the man pay for the date, but then internally lowers his rank because he submitted to the idea just to get a date with her. This happens on such a subconscious level that most young women are not even aware that it is happening. And even if they are, they aren’t sure what the resolution is because their inner values are at such conflict with one another.

The social conditioning about sexuality and the shaming of traditional male sexuality and male gender roles has led to a void that neither gender knows how to fill. And deep down inside, most men and women are yearning for something they are unable to find because of it – especially the younger generations.

Young men do not have role models or clearly defined gender roles anymore.

This point segues nicely from the previous one, that male sexuality and male roles have become more blurred as feminism takes hold. The effects of male roles being ill-defined affect both men and women. Women are left wanting for “real men” but completely unable to define what a real man is and, even if she finds one, unable to hold on to him. Young men are left asking the question, “Where do I fit in? What value do I bring to society?” Both are legitimate questions and feminism has left both of those questions without answers.

Young men now are growing up without male role models because of the way society has demonized typical male roles. Young men no longer learn how to fix cars or leaky plumbing from their fathers. They aren’t taught that it’s okay to want attractive women or to reject women who don’t suit their needs. They aren’t taught to have balls and man up and go after their dreams. They are taught that it’s wrong to take charge in their relationships with women because that is a form of disrespect. Typical male sexuality has been turned on its head in to something synonymous with fat shaming, except it’s sex shaming now. Slut shaming has almost reversed itself in terms of roles where it is now women doing the slut shaming of men.

You can find most young men sitting at home, holed up, playing video games as an escape from the confusing real world. young men are simply withdrawing completely from the world of dating and socializing. Some young men are turning to bisexuality to meet their sexual needs (this may seem extreme but go look up numbers). Young guys are out there in the world drinking wine at the coffee shop while they cruise online dating websites or playing games, ignoring the real world around them and secretly hoping that a young, attractive woman will sit down and strike up a conversation. Is it any wonder women complain there aren’t any “real men” left in the world? The “real men” have been shamed out of the dating scene.

I’ve heard many of my friends ask the question of what men are even needed for in our society at this point. Women can, and very often do, choose to get pregnant by artificial insemination. Single mothers abound in the dating world.

Let’s take Betsy, for example. Betsy grew up with social conditioning that taught her that good men don’t judge by looks. She was encouraged to participate in athletics in high school and pursue a college education. Besty took a liking to social work and decided to go to school until she graduated with a master’s degree in social work. She diligently worked on her career, working her twenties away. Her drive and passion for her work were her sole focus, and dating was put on the backburner. The few relationships that Betsy did have ended because she wasn’t really willing or interested in putting that much effort in to them. She wasn’t interested in sacrificing anything on her journey to be a better partner.

Betsy lived in the Pacific Northwest where the weather wasn’t exactly conducive to a good attitude, and certainly not to exercise. She was overweight. When Besty hit her thirties, she felt ready to date seriously. Her biological clock was ticking and she felt internal pressure, inexplicable though it may be, to have children. Her motherly instincts were kicking in.

Betsy played around with guys when she was younger, but she was not prepared for her youth to leave so quickly. Her good looks had faded in to her thirties and her overweight nature wasn’t helping her attract men. The men she did attract were pushovers she met on online dating websites. They only seemed to want to have sex – none of them wanted to get serious. She suspected her looks were the problem.

Desperate for children before it was too late, Betsy turned to artificial insemination. By god, she may not be a wife but she would be a mother, she told herself. Three years later Betsy is a single mother of two, her body wrecked from childbirth and the crushing reality of daily life as a single, working mother of two. She has steadily become more delusional in her social life to maintain some semblance of happiness and continues to date men, casually, into her forties. Usually they are younger, horny men who just want a night or two and to be on with their lives. Finding friends or men who stick around for any period of time has been difficult for Betsy, but she keeps her head up knowing that someday things will get better.

I may be painting a dismal picture, but the truth is very often not a convenient or easy thing to accept. I truly believe that we underestimate the effects that male gender disillusionment has had on both genders. My personal opinion is that while feminism and the ideal of equality between genders was a pure objective to begin with, it became warped and twisted along the way in the hands of extremist interpretations and misguided, well-meaning intentions.

As with many social engineering experiments, I believe we are approaching a breaking point where the pendulum has swung too far in one direction and is about to come back. I think there are brilliant young men out there who are starting to see clearly the negative effects that feminism has had. We are already seeing some extremist responses such as the self-proclaimed men’s rights activists. Although we might look at them in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek light, the idea behind their purpose is much needed and probably expected at this point.

So there you have it. My 3,300-word diatribe on how feminism has affected the world through my glasses.

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